Journey of the Talmid

“In your anger do not sin: do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” Ephesians 4:26-27

I have struggled with this verse for a long time. I acknowledge that a big part of my wrestling is that I am a “peacemaker” with “peacekeeper” tendencies (a peacemaker uses circumstances, conflicts, and words to help people find peace. A peacekeeper believes any conflict is wrong). So, I am very sensitive to people getting angry. Actually, sensitive is too gentle of a word. Expressed anger gets me “angry”. I become conflicted in those situations because over and over the scriptures state that anger should not be a part of our lives.

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.” James 1:19-21

“But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.” Colossians 3:8

“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.” Matthew 5:21-22

After some digging, I realized that all mentions of anger in the New Testament are not the same. One definition describes storing up anger in our hearts toward someone, bit by bit, like a fruit that begins to grow and swell with juice. Then one day, “boom”, the skin bursts and “anger” (juice) splatters everywhere. This scripture clearly condemns this

The other anger found in Ephesian 4:26 is described as something provoked and impulsive. It is not the deep, seething anger nurtured over time. When this kind of anger comes, Scripture seems to state that we make sure we don’t express it in a sinful way, like lashing out with words to wound at those around us. We are also to quickly resolve anger so that it doesn’t remain and begin to be stored up in us. Having the emotion is not necessarily the problem.

God created our feelings, but our sin nature messes them up. Being angry over injustice may be godly until we “take it out” in human anger at a someone. It then becomes sin. This is also true with other emotions. Feeling a sense of achievement by what God has done through us can be a godly experience; sin comes when human pride tells us we did it ourselves. Lust, greed, gluttony, selfishness, co-dependency (I could go on) are all “perversions” of emotions/desires God made. God can restore the proper expression of our emotions if we acknowledge the struggle and allow Him, by the Holy Spirit, to redeem and restore them.

It is difficult to admit that we have anger that we don’t express well. But we honor God and demonstrate His power and grace when we allow Him to take our broken emotion of anger and repair it, to make it new again. If we let Him do this, we will have an amazing story of what Our Father can do in a life.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” Matthew 5:43-48

As our Christian faith gets stronger, and makes more decisions in our lives, God will eventually bring up this issue; our enemies. I have recently struggled with the Matthew 5 passage above. It seems stupid to love your enemies. They’re your enemies for heaven’s sake. They want to do bad, nasty stuff to you. They want to trip you and laugh at you, make fun of who you are, where you’re from, and how funny you dress. You’re suppose to hate your enemies. But, it seems that God says we are suppose to love our enemies. If I am a Christian, and God says I am suppose to do this, I guess I can love them and say a prayer for them. At the very least I could think better of them. But, wait, it gets worse.

“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.”

“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.” Luke 6:27-35

Jesus said it’s not enough to just love and pray for our enemies from a distance. No, you have to get up close and personal. You have to really love them, do kind things for them, look out for their best interest, let them borrow your car, loan them money knowing you won’t get repaid (and not hold it against them), give them rides to places, pay for repairs, babysit their kids, make them a meal, fix something in their house, and on and on and on it goes. We are suppose to love, really, really love, those who are our enemies. Why would God ask us to do that? Because you and I were not always God’s friends.

“For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!” Romans 5:10

As Christians we were once God’s enemies. We were once engaged in hostile hatred with the God of the universe due to the sin we willingly held onto. It was only by Jesus’ sacrifice, dying for our sins, that allowed us to be God’s children. If God has forgiven so much offense against us who are we to hold someone’s offense against us. Why should we not begin to embrace those who have hurt us, mocked us, and hold us in contempt. If we have received forgiveness we should also extend it to others (this kind of reminds me about a story in Matthew 18:21-35. Check it out!) If we were to forgive the wrong things our enemies did to us, or even to those we love, would they still be our enemies? Maybe things would get better between us. Your enemy might even become a friend…or at least someone you could be around.

It feels “stupid” to love your enemies, but it’s not (like much of scripture there is truth that seems contrary to our feelings or logic). If we think we can be ok with God and consciously hold on to bad feelings toward someone else we are fooling ourselves. We have to surrender our enemies list to God to allow Him to remake it for us.

It can be difficult to live a life of peace. I struggle finding it. That must be why I have written about it several times. I can’t seem to consistently find, “…the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:7).

Recently God showed me a way to “practice” having peace in my heart. The best way to describe it is what you experience the last week of a bad job. (Yes, I know that sounds kind of weird. But hear me out first.) You may not understand this analogy if you have never had a job that you were excited to quit. But if you have, mentally transport yourself back to that last miserable week of your employment.

It’s Monday morning and you are facing the usual challenges. There is Sheila and Martin (the names have been changed to protect the innocent) and their drama. Lists of emails fill your inbox concerning what went wrong over the weekend. A text message from your supervisor asks you to come by his/her office ASAP. These are the usual problems in your usual week. But this is no usual week. This is your last week of work! You only have to deal with all this junk for four more days and then you get to walk away. This changes everything! How do you deal with all this junk in your last week? You address the pains, problems, and unjust criticism, but you don’t own them. They are not sandbags in your life, weighing your balloon down. They are simple inconveniences, small smudges of dust on your shirt that you can easily brush away.

Do you get the picture? Can you feel the difference in your gut? The weight and stress of these problems is gone because it is no longer yours to carry. Your replacement will take the load and you will be free of it all in a few short days.

This, “someone else is carrying the burdens of my life,” theme sounds strikingly familiar to me. Does it to you? It should. Jesus is doing the carrying. He said “…my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:30). It’s not just the sin that Jesus wants to carry. He also wants the regrets, burdens, stresses, and worries if we let Him. If I let Him.

I struggle doing this. There are times I feel the burden of things I didn’t get done in my past jobs from years ago. And the burdens are not just related to my work. Regrets as a husband, father, son, and friend all want to pile on and push to the front of my mind, creating a nagging worry that is difficult to put aside. But Jesus offers me peace. I can release my regrets and mistakes to Him. He can bring healing and restoration in my life now. And someday all this junk will be forgotten. One day all these things will disappear as I walk into the presence of the Father. No more tears, or sorry, or pain, or regret. In the Father’s presence is perfect peace.

Join me in the journey of finding peace with God. Let the stuff go and ask Jesus to carry it for you. You will find more peace in your life and discover what an amazing Savior He is.

I dream a lot and don’t remember most of them. This dream, from July 10, 2023, I will remember because to forget it is dangerous.

One morning a man looked out his kitchen window and saw a bear in the field next door to his home. He had never seen a bear in that field, and this made the man a bit curious. His curiosity grew after seeing the same bear in the same field the next morning. And the next morning, and the next. Growing tired of looking through the window the man went outside to the edge of the field for a closer look. The bear was still a long way off, so he wasn’t concerned.

The next morning the man sees the bear in the field again, but this time the bear is closer. The following day the bear is even closer. Within days the man returns to looking at the bear through a window because the bear is no longer in the field; he’s in the man’s back yard.

The bears lounges and rolls in the man’s yard, enjoying the flowers and sniffing the area. After days of these visits, the man decides to leave the safety of the house to watch the bear from his back deck. The bear notices the man but continues to explore the yard. One day, the man’s curiosity causes him to take a chair and sit in the yard with the bear. Impulsively he attempts to talk to the bear, strangely wondering if the bear will respond. “Good morning, Mr. Bear. How are things today?” The bear rolls, sniffs and groans. The bear sits on his haunches like a dog. But, the bear doesn’t talk back to the man.

After a few weeks of “bear in the back yard” the man becomes comfortable with his visitor. The man drinks his morning coffee with the bear. Once, he brought out his guitar and sang music for the bear. He even began to make an extra piece of toast for the bear for breakfast. The man had butter and the bear had jam. It seemed to the man that they were becoming good friends.

After several months of visits the man one morning went out to greet his hairy visitor, toast and coffee in hand. That morning was different from all the others. After the man greeted the bear “good day” the bear attacked him. The man didn’t survive.

Was the bear’s usual behavior due an injury? Was the bear hungry? Or, did he just get up on the wrong side of the cave that morning? We don’t know. We do know one thing.

The man forgot that bears are dangerous animals. The friendship the man thought he had with the bear was not grounded in this truth. We ignore truth to our own peril, even to the destruction of our very life.

Is there something that you have let in your life in which you were curious? Are you involved with some dangerous habit that you think you have tamed? Our spiritual enemy speaks to us of that illusion, but it is a lie. The control you imagine is not grounded in the truth; you don’t have control.

Don’t try to befriend bears. Don’t try to tame a destructive habit. Both will destroy you and the ones you love. Allow God to help you remove it from your life.

I tend to be a morning person and my wife is a night owl. This worked well with raising kids. I got them going in the morning and she helped with evening homework. But, our opposite schedules can cause challenges.

Our bedroom and bathroom is just one big room. This can make my getting around in the morning a bit awkward. My loving wife has gotten use to the noise of my routine and I don’t turn on an overhead light so she can sleep. I have, therefore, gotten used to doing many things in the dark, such as showering.

I have gotten pretty good at knowing what the bottle of shampoo is just by the way it feels. Sometimes I overdo it but usually I don’t cake my head with Suave. However, scrubbing and washing are not my only shower “chores”. I also shave in the shower. Yes, I shave my face, in the shower, with the lights out. “How do you do that”, I have been asked. Well, I honestly don’t know. I didn’t want to wake my wife and I needed to shower and shave. So, I just “made it work”.

This theme has a long history in my life. I have encountered so many things in my life in which God has taken me that I was not properly equipped or trained to do. In my profession, my ministry, and even around the house God has helped me “make it work” in all kinds of situations.

I rarely went through these experiences alone. There was my good friend next door who assured me that he could correct anything I messed up while repairing my car. There was the “School of YouTube”, wise people with good advice, and a spouse that was willing to walk through adventures with me. All these things were laid before me by my Heavenly Father. So, I waded into the water, with fear and trembling and lots of His mercy and grace, and made it work, many times successfully and occasionally not.

The main point of this post is not to discuss in detail my hygiene habits or to pretend I am a renaissance man. My point is to ask, “are you running from something that God has laid before you because you don’t feel equipped to do it?” Has He given you something challenging that He wants to walk with you through? Are you missing the opportunity to discover that you are enough, with His help and strength? So many times, we may walk away from a challenge because it is beyond our comfort zone. But what if God is allowing something into your life so that you may discover that He is faithful? What if God desires for you to discover what you can really do when He is in your corner. What if you are missing an incredible opportunity because it looks like a disaster to you?

It takes a step of faith to go into a situation and count on God to help you “make it work”, but faith in Him is something He desperately wants us to discover.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” – 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

“Never avoid feeling. Never avoid feeling loved, accepted, joyful, sad, rejected, confused, lost, etc. Only make a part of you those feelings that are true. But, even a momentary feeling of something dark may help you understand and lead someone else to a better place.” – Journey of the Talmid

“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” – Aristotle

Sad songs make me cry and I listen to them on purpose. Some people listen to emotionally charged music because it gives them an outlet to the feelings that are bottled up inside them. But that’s not me. I’m not a sad person. So, why do I listen to sad songs? Because I am discovering it is important to feel things others experience.

I am a slow starter in the morning. I have to gradually get my brain and body moving, kind of like an old tractor that has a precise five-step process to start. My routine begins with lying awake in bed. I, then, read some news and scripture. That completed I get up, wander around the house, fix my tea, and stare out the window. This may take up to an hour (sometimes even longer), depending on my schedule. After all this is completed, I take a shower and start the day. So, why is this important?

Because often when I begin this morning ritual, I feel very discouraged. I am overwhelmed with the duties and projects of the day. I worry that I have forgotten things that need to be done. I, also, wonder if I am hearing God’s voice or just my own weird thoughts and ideas. I deal with all of this when I wake up. Fortunately, it doesn’t last and my discouragement lifts. I begin to see how I can get stuff accomplished. and realize that God will get me through the day. The day is not nearly as bleak as it seemed in the previous hour.

I have had this “morning feeling” for years. I have tried to treat it as an enemy and purge it. I know that just because I feel a certain way doesn’t make that feeling true. My faith reminds me that I am God’s dearly loved child, and He will walk with me through whatever comes my way. But this struggle has been unexpectedly beneficial, and I have learned something from the experience. I know the feeling of discouragement and I can empathize with those that struggle with it.

The passage from 2 Corinthians 1 above states that we have the blessing of God’s comfort during difficult times. But it also states that the blessing of that comfort is not just for us. We are to take it and be God’s conduit of comfort to those around us. We share what we have been given. I think God allows me to experience different feelings, in part, that I might be able to understand what others are going through and to be a conduit of His comfort to hurting people. When I experience rejection, loneliness, or fear God is helping to prepare me to care for those that truly feel rejected, afraid, or alone.

It some ways this can be dangerous stuff. It can be hard to experience a feeling without making it a part of me (my appropriation of Aristotle’s above quote). I live in a sin-corrupted world that desires to pile on falsehoods and lies that don’t belong to me. But God is wise, and I can trust Him to walk me through this “emotions bootcamp” if it will better help me to help others.

I encourage you to not own every emotion you experience. Feelings do not equate with truth. But I wonder if God is doing in you what I sense He is doing in me, giving us a taste of other’s struggles to better care for them. Don’t refuse feelings. Receive and experience them in the light of God’s work in your life so that you may be a help to others.

^“For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and love, and self-control.” 2 Timothy 1:7

Fear can come from many places in our lives. It may stem from things that we have experienced or just imagined. People may push fear on us, or we may cultivate it ourselves.  Most of what we fear isn’t real, will never happen, or is something we can do nothing about. But, for some reason, we still listen to the voice of fear. It is a powerful force.

I despise fear. It is such an effective weapon that Satan and my sin nature uses against me. It magnifies my insecurities, keeps me from growing spiritually, and paralyzes me from doing what I should. It causes me to question God’s calling and direction for my life.   

God doesn’t want me to live with fear influencing my life; His Spirit should direct me. So, God helps me overcome the voice of fear, sometimes in interesting ways.

Years ago, our family was vacationing at a camp in Michigan. One afternoon I was at the high ropes course, infamously known as the “Quadzilla”, watching my kids go down a zip line 40 feet in the air. A parent next to me asked if I was planning to go as well. I said, “No”. 

I don’t like heights and tend to avoid them when possible. But my response to this fellow parent sparked a conversation in my head.  I have a lot of these little talks, and God is usually one of the voices in the exchange.

“Tony, why aren’t you going on the zip line?” the voiced asked. “Because I’m afraid of heights,” I said. “You’re afraid?” “Yes, I’m afraid”. “So, how long are you going to let fear tell you what you are, or aren’t, going to do?” the voice said. I didn’t have a good answer.

Deep down, I didn’t want fear to run my life. God had challenged me to make a change. So, I reluctantly did the only thing I could think of; I took-on the “Quadzilla”. I climbed the 40 foot wall, went down the zip line and the “screamer swing”, and climbed to the top of the 25 foot “pamper pole” and jumped off. It took me four days, but I did them all. 

I received a discount card toward an “I Tamed the Quadzilla” t-shirt. I skipped the shirt and kept the card. I stuck it in my Bible to remind me that fear cannot be in control of my life. Many years later I worked at that camp. One of my jobs was to run that same zip line which I previously was afraid to go down. The fear didn’t completely go away, but it was no longer in charge.

Fear cannot be in control of our lives. If God didn’t put it there, something unholy did. We can’t live a life-changing walk with Jesus with the voice of fear calling the shots. How should we deal with it? We stand on the truth of what scripture states about us as children of God. Fear is a liar and a cheat, so we don’t believe it when it speaks. And, we must listen to and obey that other voice in our heads, the one that sounds like God.

“God is in the interruptions, but He’s seldom in my plans.” Gloria Gaither

I recently came across this Gloria Gaither quote. I have found that it is true; God’s will for me has been experienced much more in the unexpected than the expected events in my life. Past years and recent events have convinced me of this.

Recently, a friend died unexpectedly, leaving a wife and five children. Our plans for a fall break trip to visit our son in Colorado turned into helping this family in Georgia with home repairs. A week before we were to leave our church received a message through our social media page. A cross-country cyclist had stopped near our town and was looking for somewhere to overnight. Could our church help him find a place to stay? I called my wife and shared with her the details. “Bring him home”, was her response. I picked him up at a country road intersection. We fed him, washed his clothes, gave him a place to sleep, and sent him on his way the next day with God’s blessing. We left for Georgia five days later.

Several days into the Georgia adventure my wife checked her email. Three different people had forwarded us the same message concerning an exchange student from Spain that needed a host family. “We thought of you”, they all said. Two days after returning from Georgia a 16-year-old girl brought her suitcases into our guest room with plans to spend the rest of the school year with us.

All of these things happened in two weeks. All of them were interruptions in my life. All of them were part of God’s plan for me.

I feel secure when I know what is happening today and tomorrow. I like to have control. However, I am fooling myself if I think I am in control of my life. I may have a few plans, but most things I encounter daily I do not control. Only God knows what my future holds, whether it is a year, a week, a day, or an hour from now.

When God interrupts my life it reminds me that He is Lord, the Master, of my life. I am a servant of God and He gets to determine what experiences I have on any given day. It may be an unexpected interruption to me but it never is to Him. Also, Isaiah 55:8 clearly tells me that God’s ways are not my ways. My human logic doesn’t apply to Him. I need to trust that God knows what He is doing when something unexpected happens. Finally, God wants me to experience more than what I am comfortable experiencing. If I limit myself to my plans, those things in which I am comfortable, I miss out on the transforming work that God wants to do in me and through me. Not every interruption is an opportunity to walk in God’s will; some are distractions from it. But, we learn to tell the difference as we discover more of God’s character, and practice responding to His voice.

Do you want to know God is real? We must create space for Him to break into our everyday. We must see God’s interruptions as opportunities to experience God and impact His world, not as intrusions.

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6

I am an “85%” guy. For any project or paperwork I am aware of 85% of what needs to be done. The 15% that I miss worries me. It sucks the peace out of my life if I allow it.

I let worry consume me for much of my adult life. I was often filled with panic. I regularly missed or forgot things that I needed to do to be a good husband, father, and employee. I was constantly apologizing, worried that I had let someone down or forgotten something.

In my struggle Jesus would occasionally show up. He would speak a risky message to my heart. “If you give up control of your daily schedule to Me I will lead you through this problem”. I struggled with God’s offer. How could I give up control of what I was suppose to do every day? That is not what a responsible adult would do. I had to solve this on my own . 

I attempted to get more organized through videos, books, and advice. I thought it would help. It didn’t. I was powerless to change. Jesus, again, asked me to let go of my struggle and let Him work it out His way. I finally surrendered, ashamed and embarrassed.

God, slowly, went to work. He reminded me that I was His child. He desired to help me, like any good father, if I would get quiet on the inside and choose to be at peace. It was hard to do. But peace, eventually, began to occupy the places that worry and panic had previously lived. My days began to change. 

When stuff needed organized God would bring someone that could bring structure to the mess. I would still forget things, but circumstances would bring them to mind just in time. I began to relax. I began to view this as God’s “path of peace” for me. 

This term comes from Zechariah’s Song in Luke 1. Zechariah implies the Messiah will restore peace in our relationship with our God, and bring a peace that allows us to walk in this life with contentment regardless of what happens. It is a peace “which transcends all understanding…” according to Paul (Philippians 4:7). 

This “path of peace” was where God was in charge and I didn’t have to figure it all out. I saw things more with His viewpoint. Whether the situation was easy or difficult, Jesus seemed to give me eyes to see His peaceful path through the situation. It didn’t solve every challenge, but there was a way through the problem where I could rest with God in control.

I felt guilty at first. It was my job to work things out and carry my share of the responsibility. But God reminded me that I am about His work. He gets to decide how things get done.

God’s will for us, through the challenges of life, is a path of peace. It isn’t a journey where everything works out as we desire. But it is a place where He is in control and brings peace. He gets the glory and we grow in faith. “Freaking out” is not required. 

Peace in this life comes, not from knowing how to solve all the problems we will encounter, but from knowing that the Prince of Peace walks with us on the path.