Journey of the Talmid

Thoughts about God working in your life…

God asked me to talk to a guy in Walmart one evening. I didn’t know him. My fear convinced me it was a crazy idea. “God, that is weird. He doesn’t even know me. I am going to embarrass this man, and me. What do I say to him? Is this even You talking in my head right now?” So, I told God , “no”.

What opportunity did I miss? What spiritual fruit did not bloom in my life?  More importantly, what did that man miss out on because I refused to do what God asked of me? Did he endure un-needed hardship and pain? Did he miss out on an encouraging word when he was in a low point in life? Did he suffer because of my disobedience?  I “wimped out” and ran from what God asked me to do.

There is no way to capture the moment again and make it right. It is gone. Guilt is before me, that personal acknowledgement of “boy, I messed up”. There appear to be two paths before me, two ways to deal with the guilt of my mistake (otherwise known as sin). 

If I own up to it and allow God to transform it through repentance and forgiveness (God can forgive me and help me forgive myself), guilt becomes regret. Regret is that brief reminder, that quick poke, that resurfaces from my past mistakes. But the poke is instructional. When I am considering a poor decision regret says, “Remember, let’s not do this again”. At times, regret can actually bring that sad smile that says, “I was stupid then. I’m glad I’m not that stupid anymore”.

If I try to run away from guilt, pretend it doesn’t exist, shame is produced. Shame is guilt with my name written on it. It becomes my identity. People can’t live contently with shame. It is a dragging weight. Shame is like living in a house of mirrors, always showing my mud-smeared reflection, and never being able to make it clean. My only recourse with shame is to try to immerse myself in pleasure, dull my senses in some way, or make some attempt to ignore or forget it. I may even indulge in more of the guilt-bringing activity, trying to pretend it doesn’t bother me. This provides only a temporary reprieve. Shame will slowly destroy me unless I allow God to transform it into regret.

Learn not to cringe when regret comes into your mind. The Holy Spirit is giving you that poke to keep you from repeating a mistake. Sometimes our enemy will try and remake regret into shame by reminding you of your mistake. Don’t fall for it. Jesus has taken care of it. He is our identity; not shame. 

Matthew 6:12-14

And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.’ 

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

A familiar passage…the ending of The Lord’s Prayer. It is recited every Sunday. But, it seems I sometimes don’t continue to the next verse.

I know that Jesus has forgiven my sins. His sacrifice has restored my relationship with God. I am saved and redeemed. I should be transformed. Sometimes I am not.

Sometimes I forget from what Jesus has saved me. I forget how utterly sinful I was, and that I was an enemy of God. I know that I have forgotten because I become like the “Unmerciful Servant” in the Book of Matthew.

In Matthew 18 Jesus tells the parable of a king who seeks to settle up debts with one of his servants. The debt the servant owes the king is huge and the servant has no way to pay the king back. The king demands payment and plans to confiscate all that the man owns. The servant begs for more time. The king, in an act of compassion, forgives the servant’s debt and releases him.

A short time later the now debt-free servant comes across one of his friends that owes him a very small sum. His friend can’t him pay back. Rather than respond with the forgiveness he has just received the servant chokes his friend and demands payment. He has him thrown into jail until the debt is satisfied.

The king hears reports of what the servant has done to the servant’s friend, and angrily revokes the forgiveness of the servant’s debt. The king’s final directive to the servant was, “Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?” This is also God’s question to me, and to all of us.

God’s incredible forgiveness of my sin is beyond any hurt or debt that someone has committed against me. When I stubbornly hold on to un-forgiveness, I trivialize what God has forgiven of me. Sadly, this reflects on how I see my salvation.

We are forgiven, as Christians, when we have received God’s gift of salvation through Jesus. This salvation should affect all areas of our lives, even when it comes to others’ offenses against us. God understands that we still battle the desires and struggles of our lives. But, we can’t allow old offenses that we need to forgive to lie around our lives. They will affect our relationship with God, and thus our Christian faith.

Does God always forgive my sins, and your sins? Yes, just as we always forgive those that sin against us. May we always be so grateful for God’s forgiveness that we readily pass that gift on to others. 

There will be many people that come into my life. Some people will love me. Some people won’t take the time to notice I am even alive. Many will notice me briefly, and forget me in a moment. Some will see my life, shake their heads and think “that poor, confused old man”. And, there will be those that hate me because the Holy Spirit lives in me, for I am the “aroma of Christ” according to 2 Corinthians.

None of these people will be an accidental encounter in my life. God has a plan for all of them. Culture and my human tendency says to avoid people that have contempt for me, that I should ignore or reject those that don’t accept me for who I am. Taylor Swift’s advice is the counsel of this age; I should “shake it off”.

The New Testament shares a different, more troubling, perspective for me on the role of the Tony-hating enemies in my life; I am to love them. “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” Matthew 5:43-48

This “love your enemy” does not appear to be one of those love-them-from-a-distance-in-a-generic-loving-way kind of loves. I am to interact with them, engage them, and demonstrate Jesus to them through my life. “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.” Luke 6: 27-31. I need to feed my enemy, lend to my enemy without expecting to be repaid, and to love them as I love those that love me. This is crazy when I look at it with human eyes. It is a crazy-love when I see it through the eyes of Jesus.

My venom-spitting enemies are suppose to be a part of my daily life. Preserving my feelings, vulnerabilities, and other self-protecting stuff is not part of the bargain. When I shield myself from interacting with those that don’t accept me I am missing the powerful opportunity to radically love like Jesus loves, to be transformed into His image, and to present Jesus to someone that desperately needs Him.

I saw the movie “The Greatest Showman” three times. I don’t usually do the repeat-thing with movies. It just sort of happened. The music, the story, the artistry…it was a great story. I was always startled by one scene each time I saw the movie. During a trapeze performance, one of the actors misses being caught by her partner as she lets go of her bar. She falls. Fortunately, it is all part of the act and she is saved from being a flat spot on the ground.

The net is standard equipment for trapeze artists. It is the backup plan in case something goes wrong. I recall once, as a kid, seeing the finale of a trapeze act that had no net. It stunned me. One little mistake and the “daring young man on the flying trapeze” would be a pancake.

I like life with a net. I like a backup plan in case the main one falls apart. This is a successful strategy in the world of business. It is not what God had in mind for my Christian life. “I am going to follow Jesus…unless things don’t work out so well. Then I’ll try something else, like the lottery”. When I try to live this way the scriptures call me “double-minded”, trying to sort-of-live for Christ on my terms. I believe my life with Jesus is to more resemble the story of Hernàn Cortés.

In 1519, when Cortés arrived on the shores of Mexico as a conquistador, he implemented a rather drastic employee incentive program. He burned the ships in which his group had arrived. They would either conquer the Aztecs and accomplish their mission, or they would die in the attempt. He gave them two options: success or death. There was no escape plan, no safety net. I don’t’ endorse conquering indigenous tribes, but it was an effective strategy to motivate his men.

God gives me no alternative plan in living for Him. Matthew 10:37 states that I was not worthy of Him if I love other things more than Him. Luke 9:23 says that I must deny myself, take up my cross, and walk in His ways. And, John 12:25 reminds me that if I love my life on this earth I will lose it, that my focus should be on the eternal rather than the temporary. I am not promised success or a comfortable life. I am to risk it all, without a net,

I am all in for Jesus, regardless of what happens. It is time to drop the net, leap off the platform, and let go of the bar. Jesus stands ready to catch me. There is no promise of what the results will be. I only know it will be for my good and His glory.

If you don’t know what this “thorn in my flesh” thing is take a gander in the Book of 2 Corinthians. In chapter 12 Paul writes about this un-named man (it was Paul) that received an overwhelming vision of heaven. Due to this grand experience God allowed Paul to have what he called “a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me”. Paul’s thorn is not described in detail. We only know it was something that God would not remove from Paul’s life. When God denied Paul’s third request to take it away God responded with, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Saintly Paul was weak and God demonstrated His greatness through it. The pain brought humility to an amazing man of God.

I didn’t understand this passage when I was younger. Those that walked faithfully with God were not suppose to feel hardship, my young Christian mind concluded. My hair has changed color and so has my perspective. Pain and difficulties are regularly a part of the Christian’s life.

I began to wonder if God still used the same approach today; allowing a painful struggle to bring humility to a Christian that was living a fruitful spiritual life. So, I began asking mature believers I encountered, “has God given you a ‘thorn in your flesh’ to keep you humble”? The response to that question usually went like this; a puzzled look, a small smile, and then thoughtful silence. Once they recovered some knew exactly was I was talking about. They shared, in non-specific terms, “Yes. There were difficult things God allowed in their life to keep them humble and addicted to His grace”. Others I asked kind of fumbled and stumbled at the question. My conclusion was that God is still helping believers grow humility through difficulty that they need Him to help them endure.

Recently, I asked myself this question. I am kind of surprised I didn’t think of it before. I guess I did not consider myself in the “mature Christian” category at the time. After some pondering my thorn was obvious to me. My brain often doesn’t work quite right. My struggle can best be described as follows: I am sitting in my closed office with 25 people pounding on the door, all needing help at the same time. As much as I try to go sort out and prioritize everyone’s needs, it is still pandemonium out there. I deal with this circus through “the tirany of the urgent”; I address the most urgent things and then hide in my office from the rest of the chaos. The people are always knocking and they never get fewer in number regardless how many I help. I tried medication for it once. I grew horns, my eyebrows looked evil, and I was a grumpy grouch. My wife was happy when I quit taking them and she got her husband back.

God will allow some difficulties in our lives. We will wonder why. As Christians we think we have earned God’s favorite status. And, we have, along with everyone else. But God realizes we will think we are doing all this good stuff on our own. So, He allows those hard things into our lives to remind us of our constant need for Him; His love, His direction, His grace, for His glory. In our heart of hearts it is what we want. “Cowboy up!” Allow God to grow humility in your life through the hard things.

The Lord turned to him (Gideon) and said, “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?” Judges 6:14

I often feel that I am not enough. It seems I often don’t have all the right knowledge, skills, or experience to handle a situation. I don’t have enough insight as a parent to know how to raise my kids well. I lack the self-confidence and discipline of an effective leader. I don’t possess the depth of selfless love to be the husband my wife needs. There is regularly some fault or lack in my life that causes me to fall short in what I need to meet my daily circumstances. I will never be enough on my own. But, God never intended that I do life that way.

The Book of Judges tells the story of a man who knew he was not enough. Gideon was a simple man, living a hard life, when he experienced God’s intervention through an angel. God pronounced Gideon a “mighty warrior” and directed him to lead Israel against the occupying army of Midian. Gideon’s response to God was “I am not enough” to do what you have asked me to do. God’s response to Gideon was powerful; “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?”. God told Gideon to use what he had and that He would make up the rest. Gideon plus God saved Israel, and God did it in such a crazy way that He received the glory for the victory.

I am a Gideon. God is careful to make sure I cannot do life solo, that I will be dependent on Him in every situation. A life centered around me plus God brings glory to my heavenly Father if it is done right. There seems to be a presence of peace regardless of current events. It is rich and full and never lacks a sense of meaning. This is the life to which He has called me. There is at times anxiety that I will not possess in myself all I need in all situations; I like control. However, when I am in a constant state of dependence God is very real and not a distant deity. I would rather be dependent on the God of the Universe to make me enough for the challenges of life than in my own abilities.

“Stressful situations will come and go in our lives. Freaking out about them is optional”.

Our culture states that I should be overwhelmed by difficult events in my life, that issues with my job, my kids’ struggles, and money problems should cause me to fret. Some people consider it unrealistic and irresponsible of me not to worry; it is part of being an adult. Although my flesh often agrees with this attitude I am learning to choose a different view and place my life more fully in God’s hands.

God is good and is always working toward my good. He always works to grow me through the challenges that occur in my life. God is not surprised by anything that happens to me. Therefore, when a crisis comes I take comfort knowing that God is working and that my life is not out of control. I can have peace in the midst of my trial because God saw it coming and is walking through it with me.

In Luke 1:67-80, a passage of scripture known as “Zechariah’s Song”, God states that He will “guide (my) feet into the path of peace”. Peace is available to me. It is mine to choose in response to any situation in my life. When I choose the “path of peace” I find contentment. Peace comes because there is a purpose to the difficult times, not due to a lack of difficulty. My other option is to be overwhelmed and crumble, with fear ruling the moment. The world will confirm my reaction to worry, but my life with Jesus will suffer.

The “path of peace” is not always easy for me to see in the midst of my situation, but it will always be there. Sometimes it will defy logic. People around me won’t understand it. But my God walks that path, and He brings peace. I’ll stick with Him on the journey.